Okay, that probably doesn’t actually sound the best if you’re still hurting after a breakup. But I assure you, while your world may feel very out of place, there’s more too look forward to… (as requested last week, here’s a bit on positivity after a breakup… the following may not apply to everybody)
Let me begin with my most favorite Teen Wolf quote from Mama McCall:
”You will fall in love more than once. It will happen again. It will be just as amazing and extraordinary as the first time and maybe just as painful. But it’ll happen again. I promise. But until then, be your own anchor.”
”You will fall in love more than once. It will happen again. It will be just as amazing and extraordinary as the first time and maybe just as painful. But it’ll happen again. I promise. But until then, be your own anchor.”
As a few of my followers know, a few months ago I got out of a five year relationship/engagement, and while a part of me was sad for only the day that the actual break-up happened, I was absolutely filled with happiness. And as of a few weeks ago, a much shorter ‘relationship’ ended and wasn’t quite so relieving at first. The point of this is that all breakups are different, and it’s important you recognize this! Sometimes you see them coming, sometimes you don’t, sometimes you’re mentally prepared, sometimes you’re not, sometimes it hurts more than you thought it would, sometimes it hurts less.
I’m sure an entire book could be written on this, but here’s a few points..
- As I stated when last asked “Positivity is a choice, you train your mind to see it. That doesn’t mean that things don’t hurt you, it just means you choose to see past that hurt. Optimism, my friend, does not hurt.”
- If it hurts… know that time heals.Unfortunately, there’s no set calendar for this. In fact sometimes you may think the pain is gone, and it comes back unexpectedly. It won’t last forever. Allow yourself some time to grieve.
- Stay away from the social networking!! If you can, remove them from your friend’s lists or hide all of their posts, DO NOT feel bad for unfollowing/unfriending. If being their friend/follower effects your happiness in any way, you have EVERY DAMN RIGHT TO UNFRIEND THEM. Even if you decide to stay friends.
- Be a realist. You are 100% single. It doesn’t matter if this person mentioned considering trying again someday, this is no time to hold onto that hope. If this person ever wants to be with you again, they ought to prove they’re worthy. Read the Teen Wolf quote above again please.
- Be careful what you get rid of. If it reminds you of the person and makes you upset, you don’t need it. If you can disconnect the person from the item, or it’s something of a milestone like your prom photo, it might be worth keeping.. in a box. I’ve never had a problem getting rid of such objects right away, but some people miss them later, so it is best to wait until you’re thinking clearly.
- You have to let go eventually. It’s not always easy at first. Letting go is going to open your heart to new experiences and opportunities!
- See the good and the bad in the person you were with. You don’t need to spread all of their negative qualities. Try to think as kindly as you can about them, but always remember that such a person was not meant for you.
- Your ex shouldn’t be your only form of making conversation. Get out and do stuff with your friends! Talk about Miley’s latest stunt, discuss your favorite TV show, express how much you love the sky, say good things about the world.
- Make new plans. When the routine ends, it’s hard to do anything but sulk with the time that you normally would’ve spent with them. Invite your buddies to the gym, make more time to study or paint or something, get dinner with a friend instead… Fill that time, that time is now full of new opportunities for you!!
- EMBRACE YOUR NEW FREEDOM. Especially if the relationship was long-term. Your life no longer has to work around someone elses’. You get to explore the choices that you want to make in life, go to school wherever you please (which I recommend anyways), move wherever you’d like to, try a new hobby, no one is there to stop you from going after what you want in life! Find out more about yourself, go after what feels right to you.
- Forgive yourself. We all tend to blame ourselves, and perhaps bits and pieces were our faults, but that’s okay. We live and we learn. We are who we are. What happened, happened and we can’t change the past. If you feel the need to apologize to your ex, it’s okay to do so, but do so without expectation.
- You will probably have to speak with them again. This talk probably won’t go as it will in your head, so don’t stress it.
- Close the book. “I just believe that when that chapter is done, you have to close it and start a new one. That’s kind of where I am right now. Is I felt like I have so much to be thankful for at this time, that my energy hasn’t really been focused on that." - Miley Cyrus
There’s so much to say about this, but the most important thing here is that… time heals. and that love happens all the time, find a better fit. Life goes on. Allow yourself to be happy.
Being single allows you to be completely you. It may feel strange to those of us just recently out of long-term relationships, but it’s a worthy experience. Life can take you to amazing places, the end of a relationship is not the end of your life.
